Darling Lilly…


What can really be said?  My darling, sweet Niece, Lilly Hultberg passed away a couple days ago. It is excruciating experiences like this that put perspective into our lives.  All the other crap that we worry about suddenly seems so meaningless…  what will we get the kids for Christmas?  should we go on vacation to disneyland or Hawaii?  should I wear my black scrubs or blue ones today?  all of these exercises become meaningless when you lose a relationship that is so dear.  You would trade a thousand lego sets, vacations, cars, houses and hunting trips for just another moment with that person.  My son Will said, as we drove to the grandparents house to see the rest of Lilly’s family, “Dad, I keep thinking it will be just a dream, and when we get there she will be there, playing.”  I will miss my daughter Juliet running around the house carrying an iPhone, as she is ‘face timing’ with Lilly, just chatting about this and that.  Juliet actually asked if she could face-time now with Lilly, in Heaven.

I want to be mad at God.   But then several things come over me…   I picture Jesus embracing her in His arms, her new body, the Joy on His face and hers.  I know for her, it will be just a split second, a moment, before she is joined by her family, as time has no meaning in Heaven.   The pain is not for her, it is for us who will miss her.

The doctor and person of Faith in me realizes that we can’t all be cured of our illnesses.   In fact, not a one of us will be, ultimately.   We will all succumb to disease and death, our mortal bodies are not made for Heaven.   But God, we prayed SO FAITHFULLY for Lilly.  I mean, my family and I have never been so faithful about anything in our lives as we were about praying for Lilly to be healed.  Everyone I know prayed for Lilly.   People I know who I don’t even think believe in God prayed for Lilly.   We were all pulling for her.  But I know you showed up, Lord.   There are so many ways that I know you showed up.   There are so many ways that this little girl touched the lives of literally THOUSANDS of people.   You, Lord, used her to do so much good.   Though it is hard, we just have to trust that You know what You are doing.

2 thoughts on “Darling Lilly…

  1. Jason Sargent says:

    Ryan and family,
    I know the heart wrenching pain of losing a young loved one far to soon. As I read this I am in Idaho attending the funeral of my 13 year old nephew. May God wrap his love and peace around you and the entire family at this time of pain. I am sorry for your loss.


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