Bodies that are Foreign…

I’ve had a nice rest since the 46 days of Lent series. Ready to get back to some bloggin’….

Warning, Meme alert: I’ve just discovered this brand new communication technology called “memes.” They are little snippets of soundless video that often have snarky captions. I went hog-wild with them… Enjoy.

Foreign bodies can be intriguing. I’m not making any sort of provocative innuendo, here. My wife is domestic, and I only have eyes for her. I’m talking about stuff that gets lodged/wedged/stuck/imbedded/trapped in all manner of locations in the human body. Every week someone comes to the hospital in the hopes that we can remove whatever thingy has got into them.

The topic of Foreign Bodies is definitely one to bring up with all the doctors, nurses, dentists, physician assistants, and therapists that you know. And if you want some really crazy stories, talk to your Veterinarian. Pick their brains. Why? because they all have a story about something freakish that they pulled out of someone else. It is mind-boggling how many weird things can get stuck in a human (or pet…). I just dare you to google ‘foreign bodies found in humans/animals.’ (kids, only do this with your parents consent…). I mean, I could take you down a very weird path, but lets swerve back onto the highway (we were headed for a cliff…).

There is a tremendous amount of satisfaction we all feel, as doctors, when we retrieve some various intruding object out of a person. Often, it’s a thread-the-needle situation. It looks a little like this:

It’s sometimes like when Russell Wilson hits Doug Baldwin in stride on his way to the end zone. Or when Tiger sinks a birdie.

Or when Arthur…

It elicits the ‘Nailed it!’ feeling…

I just want to go…

Yesterday, 2 year old Jonas Grumby (not his real name) came in, and was as cute as a kid can be. But he was riled up due to the fact that he’d shoved a ‘Foreign Body’ in his ear. Like many 2 year olds, he thought it would be a good idea to cram some pebbles up in there. I got all excited, as this was a chance for the glory and accolades that are received from ‘Mom’ when you remove the aggrieving agent.

Nurse Liz and I got him sedated with some Ketamine (remember this amazing stuff?) and away we went. There was quite a bit of gooey wax in his ear that I had to remove so as to see the stone. Having forgotten to bring a piece of gauze to wipe the wax from my curette, I simply used the sheet covering the bed on which Jonas laid, to smear my creamy retrievals.

After excavating a few nice blobs of wax, I was suddenly rewarded with a large dollop that actually contained the stone within it. I didn’t even have to use pincers or forceps to get it out. Hurrah! It was somewhat anticlimactic, but still satisfying nonetheless.

To be thorough, I leaned over Jonas one more time and took a look in the ear, not wanting to miss any other smaller pebbles. Satisfied that it was clear, I went to clean up my mess. I usually like to give the offending foreign body to the mom, so she can take it home and parade it around to family and friends. I looked in my patch of wax blobs for the rock, but it was gone. I looked up at Liz and mom, and a sly smile spread across Liz’s face. “There’s something brown on your forehead,” she said.

Ah, crap… Yep, I’d put my bald head right smack in the wax-goober field, and his sticky stone was plastered to my greasy forehead. Liz and mom had a nice little chuckle (in between gagging).

I wiped the sludge from my head with a gauze and rewarded mom with her trophy. My shameful act didn’t diminish, however, the good feelings of the clutch evacuation of the Body that was Foreign.

Photo of the Day:

On my way to the hospital at 2 AM, as I was leaving our home, my shoe came upon this former cockroach. I thought I heard a little Jimminy-cricket voice squeal ‘Nooooooooo!’