Day 8/46 of my daily Lenten blog journey. Are you still with me?
Today, a 25 y/o lady came in with lower abdominal pain. Her name was Marsha (which is not her real name). It had been going on for a couple months, but worse in the last 5 days.
So, I put my slightly better than mediocre medical assessment and deduction skills to work, in search of an answer for Marsha’s symptoms.
First, I went through a systematic history. “Is it affecting your ability to pee or go poo poo?” No, it wasn’t affecting these bodily functions. “How about your period, are you still having it?” No, she hadn’t had it in about 5 months. “Hmm,” I thought. “That’s really weird. Why would a woman not have her period for such a long time?”
So I dug deeper. “How’s your appetite?” It was really good, she said. In fact, she was gaining some weight. And she had this weird affinity for Frijoles (beans) and pickles. “Man!” I thought, “What can this be?!”
Next, I decided to examine her. I had her lay down and I pushed around on her belly. Ominously, I found a large ball just below her belly-button. It felt round and smooth, in the general vicinity of her Girl-bag (uterus). “Holy cow, now I’m getting worried I thought.” Could this be some massive parasite? Or a ginormous impacted stool? Or was this the beginning of a Sci-fi Thriller, in which I was about to be attacked by an Alien Larva, erupting from her belly in a spray of blood and gore? ←only click on that if you don’t mind weird stuff
Finally, I wheeled out my big gun, the ultrasound machine. I applied the probe to her tummy, and scrutinized her pelvis. Now I was getting somewhere. I was pretty certain there was something in her uterus, but just couldn’t quite make it out…
But still, no diagnosis.
Finally, the results of her bloodwork came back, and luckily the lab tech had thought to add a pregnancy test, because by the Hammer of Thor, it was POSITIVE! Imagine all of our surprise!
Now, I’m a guy and so I really have no place to make a comment here. But, dang, I just cannot contain myself… I’m thinking that if I’m a woman, and I haven’d had my period in 5 months, and I am doing that thing that makes babies… I’m eventually gonna put 2 and 2 together. But I will say this— I have spoken to more than a few doctors who have delivered babies from mothers that did not know they were pregnant.
It’s a crazy world we live in.
The good news is that Marsha was absolutely delighted!
8/46 in the books. If you are enjoying these, feel free to share…